


On My Knees

by Red_Crow



Series: NijiAka Multiverse [4]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Actully kinda mature, Akashi has control issues, M/M, Nijimura wants to help but doesn't know how, Not Really Graphic Violence, One Shot, Pre-Relationship, Self-Harm, These tags are nothing to me, more like graphic self harm, nijiaka - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 02:02:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17992745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Crow/pseuds/Red_Crow
Summary: Akashi feels the pressure of all around him. Sometimes even perfection begins to break. One day Nijimura walks in on Akashi showering and sees that which he cannot believe.This is a bad sum, look at the tags, yup.





	On My Knees

Akashi stared down at the sink.

_Don’t do it._

But he couldn’t resist. He knew that he shouldn’t, but it was too hard to resist. The stress as of late was barrowing into him. His father had threatened to disown him once again. You would think that maybe he would be used to this, but no each time it cut through his mind, spiking it with pain.

_Do it._

Part of him waited for it. His team kept the pressure on him. Always relying on him. He had to keep up the façade that he was perfect, he was a pillar of perfection and strength. He wasn’t allowed to crack.

He looked up to see his tired crimson eyes, he stared at himself in the mirror of his bath room. The water was running loud, drowning any and all sound out, Akashi had just finished his shower, but he didn’t want the rest of the household to know that, not yet.

 He grabbed his razor blade. One of the old fashion ones that they only used in old fashioned barbers’ shops anymore. It was one sharp blade with a solid maple handle.

There were not many places where he could do this. He couldn’t let it show and at basketball practice with the large airy shirts that would sometimes fling up when he jumped, even if he tucked it in, forced him to focus on the top of his thighs, high enough that the shorts and no chanced to expose his ugly imperfections.

He stared down towards his legs, they were evenly cut up. He looked for a new place in the region to begin. Most had scabbed over. At first, he would resort to this on the worst of days, something to ground him, something to let him feel pain without having to show it, without having to deal with his complicated emotions he never understood in the first place.

Eventually it turned into an almost daily need. Without it he felt jittery, nervous, as if something worse was going to happen as if he had control over nothing, and what little he had was slipping.

These feelings caused him to be worse when he finally did cut up his body once again. They were deeper, and more of them on those days. So, for his own health and safety during his shower before he went to bed, he would give himself a nick or two.

Today had been rough though. He decided to make it three, because if he didn’t set a limit now, he knew he wouldn’t want to stop.

He brought the blade down to his thigh. It hung there for a moment, the first cut was always the hardest. His instincts told him not to told him this was hurting himself. But that is exactly what he wanted, and he was able to overcome his inborn instinct to preserve his precious body.

He slides it across his skin watching as red blooms bloomed across the thin line. It was not a deep cut and it took a moment for the blood to reach the surface. The slow ascent allowed him to watch as droplets formed slowly and pooled, already trying to close the hole he had opened out.

Akashi smeared the blood with his figure then brought it up to his eyes. The color almost matched his hair color, bright shimmering red. He had the urge to lick his finger. He decided to indulge himself, no one else did.

He swiped his tongue across the digit. The red liquid had the taste of iron, it was an almost bitter repulsive taste, but Akashi enjoyed tasting the fruit of his labor. He looked back down at the cut which covered in the life-giving liquid.

And he felt. The only time he ever felt anything was when he was here destroying his body just as badly as his mind was destroyed.  He brought the blade to his skin once again, he pressed a little deeper this time, and gave a slow slash, savoring the tearing of skin, the coolness of the blade against the heat of his blood rising up.

He brought the razor up to his eyes to view the dripping blood from it _, one drop, two drops, three drops, four. I’ll be dead in how many more?_

Akashi laughed at his pointless rhyme, tears threatened to spill at the weight of it all. Did he want to die? He didn’t know. All he knew was that he was living a lie. He didn’t really have control over anything,

but this.

He had control over this.

One last time he dragged the blade over the soft flesh, revealing in the absolute certainty of what happening, what would happen, it would cut, and blood would bubble out. He watched as it pooled around his leg, smearing his whole hand in it after putting away the razor blade. He moved his fingers into the light, watching as the light reflected off of them. He thought about smearing the blood over him, marking his whole body with the proof of his pain, but he just took a shower and had to restrain himself.

Instead he washed his hands in the sink when the warmth had left, and blood had gone cold. The water washed away the blood with speed, making his hands pure once again erasing his cruel crime.

 Then, he just watched the crimson flow across his body down on his legs, but before the blood could reach the floor, he grabbed a towel and wiped off his hands and starts wiping the blood from his legs.

He had to clean the wounds, he didn’t want them to become infected. So, he grabbed the hand sanitizer that sat beside the hand soap. He carefully placed a generous amount on his hands and took a deep breath in. He knew this was going to sting, but that is exactly what he wanted. He wanted to feel, he wanted to have control over what he could feel. He gently placed the cool liquid on his burring flesh and hissed. It felt like a fire had sparked on his thigh. It caused him to clench his teeth and close his eyes.

He leaned against the wall behind him and slowly slide down. Once the initial burst died down to a slight sting, he moved a cloth against it wiping away the blood, each swipe sending up a fresh new wave of sickening pain, his nerves tingled with over stimulation.

Once the blood was wiped away from the wound, Akashi used his figures to stretch it and dabbed a new glob of sanitizer at the edges. It immediately made his head spin with all of the signals of pain his mind was receiving from his body. His mouth opened in a silent scream.

He sat there for a while bringing his breathing under control. He looked down at his work and repeated the process for the next two cuts, conflicted with pain and the pleasure of control. Then he just sat there. Re packing his emotions, slowly put up the disguise he wore every day.

Finally, when he felt just as empty as when he started, he looked down at his work. The angry red lines on his porcelain features glared up at him, raw from the abuse, the skin seemed to get just as red as the blood that had poured out. Most of the wounds had started to clog and were not bleeding anymore, one was still glistening with new blood.

If it wasn’t covered it could bleed out on his clothing, but he also couldn’t bandage them. The staff had the first aid kit and would wonder what was wrong if he asked for it, especially on a regular basis, and would probably tell his father. That would only make things worse.

Akashi instead just sighed and carefully put his fresh clothing on, careful not to rub against the new cuts too much. Then he turned off the shower. He walked to the door and realized that he was slightly limping unconsciously so that he didn’t move the fabric against his cuts too much.

_This won’t do._

Anyone could see this uncharacteristic imperfection and immediately know there was something wrong. He could have nothing less than perfect posture. So, he practiced in the bathroom, forcing his body to walk normally even as the fabric of his pants rubbed against his skin making the skin rawer than before. He winced at first at the constant pain, but he soon got used enough to it that he was able to stroll out of the room without anyone thinking anything of his extended shower.

He continued to live like that. Day by day bottling his emotions into the back of his mind and only confronting them in the mirror of his bathroom. Which lead him with the only way he knew how to deal with all the crushing weight that the rest of the world placed on his shoulders. He had to even force down the physical pain during the day that his movements caused. There could be no sign of weakness.

Then one day his routine was broken.

It was in the showers at school, when Akashi’s life started to change. Their showers were open, just stales without any doors or really anything that gave privacy. Akashi had been careful to wait until everyone had left to take his shower, he wasn’t expecting Nijimura to come back. Akashi had turned the water just a little too hot, so that it felt as though his skin was burning and the cuts stung with every splash of the water.

He was just enjoying the external pain which contrasted with his internal pain. Each time the water hit his hips his vision blurred, and he had a hard time standing. The pain soared through his nerves, and even though it was more than any sane person would do to themselves, it let him know he was alive, that he could feel.

He was enjoying the burning feeling, when he hard a sharp intake of breath that was not his own. He turned around immediately.  Nijimura was standing there staring at him, well, more specifically at the scares that roamed across his body. These scares were too neat, to precise for him to say they were accidents. Akashi stood not moving, not knowing what was going to happen. He had been so careful, he had never been caught with them before, not even by the staff at his house.

“Akashi.” Nijimura breathed out. This prompted Akashi to get moving, he used his hands turn off the shower before he tried to cover what he could before running out of the shower, eyes on the ground. He almost made it past Nijimura, but he seemed to snap out of his own trance just at the moment and reached out his own arm to grab Akashi’s.

 But Akashi saw the movement and was able to dodge the hand as he practically sprinted out into the locker room. He changed into clothing as fast as he could, roughly pulling his clothes over the thin lines etched across his skin. The clothes tore off some of scabs, forcing Akashi to bite down on his lower lip to stop him from making any sound, from revealing anymore weakness.

He knew he didn’t have enough time to get out of there before Nijimura would trap him again, but he had the decency to at least wait until he was dressed.

“Akashi”

“What?” Akashi spat, his voice an angry whisper.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you…”

Before he could finish the sentence, Akashi grabbed everything threw it in his bag and bolted out of the locker room through the back passage, so he didn’t have to see the disappointed face of Nijimura.

When he got outside, tears threatened to spill out. He raced home, catching his breath, composing himself, before cautiously opening the door. Once he deemed it safe to race to his room, he did.

He felt agitated. He paced the room. _I’ve been caught, caught! The great Akashi failed! Oh no, what’s going to happen now? Is he going to tell my father?_

These thoughts raced across his mind, his life was over, he had tried so hard to cover things up, but it didn’t work. Now he was exposed and in the open, and by Nijimura no less. Who knew how his captain was going to react? What if he was disgusted now that he knew? Was he going to expose him to the rest of the team?

 _I need to calm down. Otherwise I could have a panic attack._ But how to go about it? Well, he hadn’t been able to bring a razor to school and use it while he was in the shower at school. No one saw him come inside either, so no one would be looking for him until dinner. Good.

He made his way to the bathroom and grabbed the razor with shaking hands. This would make things better, it would calm him down and then he would be fine, then he could think about the situation.

He slowly dragged the silver blade across his skin, however with how his hands were trembling he cut deeper than he meant to. Blood immediately flowed from the wound. He watched it drip for a while as he felt the sweat release of pain grounding him. When he finally got his breathing under control, he decided that this was a four lines kind of day and that he would stop there. Gods, Nijimura has stared at these lines too, he had seen this disgusting coping method. He must think Akashi disturbed.

Maybe five lines. Yeah, that sounds good.

Just as he took up the blade again, he heard his bedroom door crash open. None of the servants would do that, was it his father? Did Nijimura tell his father? Oh no, oh no.

“Akashi! Akashi! Where are you?” The voiced didn’t sound like his father, it sounded like…no, it couldn’t be.

Akashi quickly put on his robe, there was no time for anything more. He opened up his bathroom door to see Nijimura reaching for the handle to the door he just opened.

 “How did you get in here?”

“The staff let me in.”

Akashi gave him a questioning look, “They would never let you in without me telling them.”

“Well I said it was official basketball business so, they didn’t try to stop me.”

“So, you actually barged in?”

Nijimura shrugged.

“Well then get out.” Akashi pulled the bath robe closer to himself. Nijimura noticed this movement and his eyes looked all over him. Akashi hoped he wouldn’t see it, but his knee-high robe did nothing to cover the blood that was slowly dripping down his legs.

“Akashi, I just want to help.” His eyes were transfixed on the blood dripping down his leg and his face contorted into a frown, “Hey did you just-“

“Out now!”

“Hey, Akashi-“

“No! Get! Out!”

“Fine, fine Akashi I will leave as long as your promise not to cut yourself anymore, okay?”

“What?”

“Tell me that you are done with hurting yourself, at least for today, please for me.” There was a look of agony on his face and Akashi didn’t know how to respond he was so frazzled about be caught twice in one day, he just wanted Nijimura to leave, he wanted this embarrassment to be over.

“Fine, whatever, I promise. Now will you please get out of my house?!”

Nijimura raised his hands in defeat and left closing the door behind him.

Damn. What was he going to do now? Breaking a promise would just make him feel worse, and he did get a decent gash in. He could just spend more time cleaning it. Yes, he would slowly, meticulously clean it. He may have promised not to use the razor for the rest of the day, but he could still get his control using other ways.

He went back into the bathroom looking at the blood that was down his foot and almost on the floor. He started to shower, he would just rinse it off in the tube. After splashing the steaming water over the wound making it look like the blood was boiling with the heat, Akashi decided it needed to be dried. He grabbed an old rough towel from the nearby cabinet. He stared just below the sliced-up skin and quickly slid it while applying pressure, this sparked his nerves and he started rubbing away the blood, which only successfully rubbed the skin on the edges raw making them puffy and red. Now to disinfect it.

This part took almost an hour. Just put in one drop of sanitizer and watched it seep into the wound and mix with the blood in the deep gash. He ever tried prying the skin apart in order to see the sanitizer down as far as it could sting. When the originally bomb or pain subsided into a tingle, he chose a new spot and rubbed in in this new year. Akashi slowly kneaded it in over and over again, taking in every sensation. Eventually the time came for dinner, and the wound was still oozing, so he just wrapped around the towel.

The rough towel rubbed against the wound the wrong away making every step painful, but Akashi could manage. He had a distant and quite dinner with his father before going back to his room for the evening. He would probably spend even more time abusing the tear in his leg, but he had to study and get his homework done.

He started to remove the towel, but it seemed as though the blood had started to scab, and it was attached to his leg. Not wanting to ruin this new source of pain, instead of ripping it off in one pull he slowly inched the towel off of the wound memorizing how the scab tore every second, how it pulled at his skin and ripped off this new protective layer. Eventually he finished pulling it off and rewarded the wound by letting it air out while completing his homework.

The next he went to school as normal, but as soon as he was getting ready for practice and made it out onto the practice court Nijimura’s eyes were on him.

All throughout practice Nijimura went easy on Akashi, he didn’t have to run as far or do some of the stretches. When they had a mock game Nijimura was on the opposing team, and he went all out, on everyone, but when faced with Akashi he made sure not to touch the smaller boy. By the end of the day, the rest of team had started to notice that Nijimura was purposefully going soft on Akashi. He had been asked if he was sick or anything, when he responded that no, he wasn’t they were just more confused.

Nijimura acting nice was starting to get on Akashi’s nerves, he had been able to perform perfectly fine with the wounds before, and people were now questioning his ability to perform. They though him ill, they thought him sick. This grated on Akashi, and he went all out on Nijimura not sparing him even when his legs screamed in pain and the scabs were stretched.

Soon enough the game was over. Akashi hung back, letting everyone else go to the lockers to get changed. Some members saw this, and they also saw Nijimura hang back, and after the interactions between the two today rumors were sure to start between the two.

“Akashi-“

Before he could say anything, Akashi turned to him and silenced him with his gaze. He really didn’t want to hear it from Nijimura, especially while the other club members were still around.

“Nijimura-senpai, please refrain from talking about yesterday while we are still at school. It really does for anyone to overhear us.”

Nijimura closed his mouth with an audible slam. He stood there for a moment still before finally leaving the gym first.

The next day Nijimura was waiting outside for Akashi, a bag he hadn’t seen before slug on his shoulder.

“Nijimura-senpai?” Akashi questioned.

“I’m walking home with you.” Akashi just nodded not sure what else to do. When they got the point where Nijimura would normal change directions they just kept going. Akashi became more and more nervous.

_What is happening? Why is he still following me?_

They made it all the way to his house and to his front door before Akashi turned around to Nijimura.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“I honestly don’t know.”

Nijimura sighed, “Akashi, I’m staying over. Tomorrow isn’t a school day so I’m staying the night.”

“Why?”

“To make sure you don’t hurt yourself.”

Akashi tried to will himself not to move, not to be affected but his face twitched, giving away his discomfort.

“I don’t need you to. Not to mention, my father wouldn’t like an unexpected guest.”

“I figured, so I actually called the house earlier.” Akashi spun around eyes wide.

_He had done what?_

“I only got to talk to your butler, or whatever, but I told him we would be up late planning basketball practices, so it would make more sense for me to stay over. He agreed, so actually, I’m expected. You would be more questioned if I didn’t come in.”

Akashi glared at him, he had done well. It left him very few outs, and now that they were in front of the door it was practically impossible for him to say no.

Akashi recomposed himself, “Fine.” He calmly said before marching in through the front door. Nijimura smiled behind him, a little smug that he had outsmarted Akashi, or at least surprised him. Nijimura quickly followed him inside and the two made their way to Akashi’s room before anyone could stop them and possibly ask any questions.

They put on some television show and did their homework, since really, they had the whole evening to do basketball work and neither of them really wanted to talk. After several hours, Nijimura was finished with homework and was getting hungry. But he sat waiting for Akashi to finish will watching the tv, the air took an awkward turn, it was obvious that Nijimura wanted to speak, but he really didn’t want to disturb Akashi. Finally, Akashi finished all of his work for the rest of week, and completely ran out of homework to do since next week’s schedule wasn’t released, he was forced to stop and pay attention to Nijimura. Nijimura had taken to staring at him and Akashi felt like an animal on display, he felt anxious, was he really that horrifying?

“Hey, you want to get dinner?”

“The servants will have food prepared, I can bring it up if you want.”

“No worries, I’ll get it, you got to put away all these textbooks, I have no idea where to even start with these.” He then got up and left. Was he really so insufferable to be around that the first chance he gets he leaves?

As soon as the door shut Akashi stood up. Why was Nijimura here? Did he want to help him? Or was this a nice way of trying to tell him he wasn’t fit to be the vice-captain? Oh. Oh no, what would father say?

Akashi felt his breath quicken. Crap, he was hyperventilating. He needed to get ahold of himself. He rushed to the bathroom and fished out the razor. He was huddled on floor holding the razor. How quick could he get a cut in? how long would it take Nijimura to come back? But Nijimura didn’t want him to, surly he would be caught and Nijimura would be disappointed in him.

 But what was one more disappointed person?

Right as he had decided to go ahead with his plan, he heard the door open; his head whipped up to stare at Nijimura who was smiling at first, but when he saw Akashi sitting there with the blade his expression turned dark and he quickly ran over to Akashi on the ground. Akashi almost broke into tears as Nijimura ripped the razor from his hands and put it on the counter out of reach.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Why are you?!”

“I need to. I need it to feel, to be in control. I don’t want to, but I have to.”

“fine then if your going to hurt someone. Hurt me.” He grabbed the razor blade and thrusted it at Akashi, on his knees in front of Akashi. “Come on, I’m on my knees and everything, you have all the power here.”

“What? Nijimura do you know what you’re saying?”

“I’m know exactly what I am saying, but I’m not letting you hurt yourself, so if you need to cut something up to feel in control, cut me.” He spread out his arms towards Akashi, his face in his resting pout, with his eyes earnestly staring at Akashi.

Akashi started at him, he knows he should stop, but it went beyond the point of want towards need. He needed this. But to do such a thing to his senpai? To Nijimura?

He couldn’t. There was no way, he respected Nijimura too much.

“No.”

“Why not? I’m made of flesh and blood just like you are.”

“I can’t do that to you Nijimura, I couldn’t look at myself ever again if I did that.”

“And I can’t bear to see you hurt yourself.”

Akashi looked away and down, his bangs creeping over his eyes. He had no idea how to deal with these emotions swirling around inside of him and the only way he knew how to use he was being kept from.

Nijimura may have sensed this, or just figured it out on his own, but wordlessly he moved over and hugged Akashi, holding him close. Akashi just sat there stiffly, he didn’t really know how to deal with this, he hadn’t been hugged since his mother had died.

“It’s ok Akashi, you can cry, or scream, or do anything. Your emotions are allowed to show.”

This made Akashi uncomfortable and really didn’t want to any of those things, not in front of the man he respected, the one person he wanted to impress the most. But his body was against him. Tears started to form around his eyes. Akashi wanted to push them back in, but Nijimura started stroking his back, making his guard fall and relax.

Soon the tears bubbled over, it was a trickle before turning into a decent stream of tears but finally the flood come. And with it came all the howls of pain, everything that he had bottled up came up from the dregs in loud wet sobs. Luckily no one cared enough to come and find out what was happening, or it was too late for anyone to be up.

Either way Akashi was grateful.

After about a half an hour Akashi had finally ran out of tears, and his throat hurt from crying. However, he felt lighter than he had since the death of his mother. He sat there, content in being in Nijimura’s lap his head pressed up against his neck. Eventually he calmed down enough breathe normally.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Akashi shook his head slowly, his face still smashed in the crook of Nijimura. Nijimura didn’t respond for a long time.

“That’s ok. You don’t have to; baby steps are fine.”

“I could never burden you with my troubles like that Nijimura.”

Nijimura gave a bit of snort at that, “heh, I think I’m already invested in your troubles, but honestly it isn’t a burden to me.”

Akashi guessed he was correct, breaking down in front of him did drag him down into the living hell Akashi squirm through. Akashi didn’t want Nijimura to exposed to this side of him, he was scared that Nijimura would see something he didn’t like and disappear.

“Nijimura you wouldn’t understand.”

“Then help me.” he pleaded, and Akashi couldn’t look at him in the eyes. After a while when Akashi felt stronger, he put back on his clothes, Nijimura tried to help, but Akashi didn’t want to feel any weaker than he already did. He left Nijimura in the bathroom alone each to their own thoughts, until Nijimura came back out, he smiled at Akashi, but his eyes seemed puffy like he had been crying.

Akashi caused his senpai to cry. He was a repulsive creature.

They got ready for bed not long after that, the both of them sharing Akashi’s large bed, Nijimura had been offered another room but he politely declined. He explained it as they would be working till they both fell asleep so he probably wouldn’t make it to another room anyways.

They did work briefly on some practice material, though the pair were very good at keeping things organized and on time, so there wasn’t really much for them to do. They then talked about pointless things. Akashi tried to avoid the topic of his unsavory hobby as much as possible, but Nijimura kept trying to get to open up. Eventually this worked and Akashi let out how much pressure he felt, and that his father had never really been a supporting role in his life. Akashi felt exhausted after talking about himself so much, and Nijimura had just listened and hugged Akashi as much as possible until he was too uncomfortable with the affection he wasn’t used to. Soon they were both tuckered out; so, they laid on the bed to go to sleep. Akashi turned out the light

“You can’t go easy on me during practice, no matter what.”

“Huh? But you were injured.”

“Doesn’t matter. I cannot and will not look weak in front of the team.”

“Taking care of yourself isn’t weak.”

Akashi clicked his tongue, “Why do you even care? It’s not your reputation, it’s mine and this is how it has to be protected.”

“Akashi your reputation is not worth killing yourself over.”

Akashi laid silightly for a while before finally asking, “Nijimura, why were you crying? I know I’m revolting, and I’m sorry…but…” He didn’t know what to say.

Nijimura looked away. His eyes looked all around the room but on Akashi, his hand reaching to scratch the back of his neck, “Akashi, I know that this is going to come across kind of strange, but I really care about, your important to me, and it hurts me to see someone so important hurt themselves like this.”

“Important how?”

He let out a deep breath and let his just hang down, “What a question. You’re the most important person to me, that’s the only way I know to say this.”

“So, I’m like your best friend? Nijimura we aren’t event that close.”

“No!” oh, Akashi suddenly could see where this was going, and he knew he wasn’t ready for this, he couldn’t even deal with himself and his emotions let alone someone else’s. He was not prepared for any form of romantic relationship, and suddenly sharing the bed seemed a lot more dangerous that it originally did.

Nijimura had started to splutter and try to explain himself, until he saw the realization on Akashi’s face and knew he understood the line of how ‘important’ he was.

“But I don’t want a relationship. Uh, don’t take that the wrong way, I didn’t mean I want you for…uh...nefarious purposes, I just mean you don’t seem ready for a relationship, and I don’t think that in your emotional state you should take that on.” Nijimura explained, his cheeks going a rosy color as he rambled.

“I understand. I was worried I would have to reject you Nijimura.” Akashi attempted to joke, and it worked, Nijimura gave out a little snort. Suddenly he looked worried.

“Wait does this mean you don’t…?”

“I don’t know. I hadn’t given it much thought.”

Nijimura looked relieved, “That’s fine, you’re a little young for a relationship anyways.”

“We’re only a year apart.”

“Then we are both too young.” Nijimura pouted.

The two finally lied down under the covers of the bed, when Akashi thought that Nijimura had fallen asleep, he whispered into the darkness, “Hopefully one day I won’t be so ruined and be worthy of your affections Nijimura.”

He then settled down into the darkness, feeling sadness and hope well up inside of him and he was about to close his own eyes when he heard Nijimura.

“You are worthy Akashi, don’t put down yourself. You just need to find a healthier way to get through your issues.” The unexpected response was whispered back in a tired voice. Akashi shifted to look at Nijimura in the eyes in the darkness.

“I have no idea how else to deal with my problems, it’s the only thing I find that works. I never had another person to help me, I always thought that it would make me look less perfect.”

“Use me to deal with your problems. You don’t have to be prefect, just be you.”

Nijimura sleepily replied before closing his eyes. Akashi watched him for a moment, unsure of what to make of the boy in his bed. Akashi had always strived for perfection without knowing what it was. He always had to better than everyone else without being able to be himself.

But maybe, just maybe, here in Nijimura’s arms he could try.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a real story turned into my favorite ship. If anyone wants to talk I'm down, it's not meant to be a PSA or bring awareness, it really is just something I wanted to write, maybe you guys can relate to this, or maybe your a masochist who thinks this is pretty good. Either way, thank you for reading, and this hasn't been betaed.


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